10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. 11 And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the Lord of hosts. 12 And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the Lord of hosts. (KJV)
10 Give me all your meats – steak, fried chicken, pork chops, mmm, all for me. And I say for thou shalt be praised by me and not smitten if thou giveth all your delicious carnivorous treats. 11 And if anyone tries to even touch my food, I shall smite them with a swift kick in the groin. I’ll spare your asses and only punish he who tries to eat my food, unlike my typical cruel self. But the food you give me better be grade A meat or ripe and organic. None of that processed, MSG, fake ass additive bullshit, so I say. 12 And I’ll even give you the false hope and promise that you will be famous and recognized for feeding my fat ass, says I, your Lord and supreme commander. (BBI)
No, God doesn’t care if gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins. He’s GOD.
Fucking hilarious. I worship you.