Job 39:9-12

9 Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib? 10 Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee? 11 Wilt thou trust him, because his strength is great? or wilt thou leave thy labour to him 12 Wilt thou believe him, that he will bring home thy seed, and gather it into thy barn? (KJV)

9 Will the unicorn be…wait, unicorn?! What the hell? Unicorn?! There are unicorns? Where are they, Biblical peoples? What’d you do with them?! You couldn’t think of us and let us see a fucking unicorn for once in our life? Y’all got greedy and tried to drink its blood to live forever? Is that how you guys lived to age 700 and shit like that? WTF.

Ahem. Anyways. I don’t even know what this is saying. Will the unicorn be willing to work for you or will it just chill at the crib?? (dafuq) 10 Will the unicorn sow the fields by itself or will it follow you and till the fields, following you. Wait, what?! They could be domesticated?! WHERE ARE OUR UNICORNS! DAMNIT MAN! WE WANT UNICORNS TOO!!! 11 It seems these unicorns were strong, both physically and in cognition. This is unfair. 12 RUN UNICORN!! BEAUTIFUL ASS CREATURE! DON’T LET THESE BIBLE PEOPLE USE YOU FOR LABOR! (BBI)

I really want to see a unicorn.

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