Month: September 2015

1 Samuel 1:7

This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. (KJV)

This went on year after year. This happened every time Hannah went up to the house of the Lord. Or at least that’s what that bitch Bridget told Hannah to call the Kappa Phi Delta House whenever she stepped onto to its hallowed grounds and tradition of sisterhood, friendship, and Walks of Shame.

It was rush season, Hannah was trying one more time. Bridget’s influence had kept Hannah from impressing her parents by getting into one of the most prestigious sororities in Northeast Idaho. Hannah tried to walk by Bridget and directly into the front doors of the Kappa house.

Bridget, without even looking her way, said, “Nope.”

“But I-”

“NOOOOOPEEEEE!!!” Bridget cut her off before she could finish.

“But Bridget! Please!”

“Not Bridget…”

“…Ok…Lord, may I please enter?”Bridget’s mouth couldn’t hold back a smirk, and Hannah walked in and sunk her head.

You can do this, Hannah. You are a lovely and brilliant young woman. Hannah told herself as she held back tears.

“Ew, oh my God, Becky, look at her butt. It is so big. It looks like one of those rap guys’ girlfriends.” The sorority girls burst out in laughter. Hannah burst into tears.

Meanwhile, Anthony Ray AKA Sir Mix-A-Lot was passing by, and he rushed home to write his only hit song. (BBI)

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Matthew 5:43-44

43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you (KJV)

43 Like you’ve already heard: Love ya homies, fuck the enemies. 44 But check this out: Love your haters. Because the haters always be trippin’ over your success and bring even more your way. So love your haters. Because the haters keep talkin’ and you keep walkin’. And you best pray for them, ‘cuz they need it way more than you do. Hate the playa, not the game. You do you, boo, HOLLA! (BBI)