Month: March 2016

Genesis 19:30-36

30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters. 31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth: 32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. 33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. 34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. 35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. 36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. (KJV)

30 Lot and his two daughters went up to Zoar and settled in a cave in the mountains. Soon, Lot grew depressed and withdrew from the world. 31 The older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there are no men who will have sex with us. Yes, this is a weird transition of two seemingly separate topics that should never be immediately talked about back to back, but listen. 32 Let us make our father drink wine, and essentially rape him so we can carry on his seed.”

33 And they made their father drink wine that night, and the oldest went in and “lay” with her father. He was not aware of what what was happening, similar to the victims of Bill Cosby (allegedly). 34 The next morning, the oldest said to the youngest, “I had sex with our father. Let us make him lose consciousness again tonight and perform incest to preserve our bloodline. You know, for the good!”

35 And they drugged their father again. This time, the youngest went and took advantage of his non-consenting mind. 36 Both of Lot’s daughter carried his seed, and somehow God was cool with it. (BBI)

So, God approves of rape and incest. Go forth and multiply!

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Proverbs 27:15-16

15 A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping
    of a leaky roof in a rainstorm;
16 restraining her is like restraining the wind
    or grasping oil with the hand. (NIV)

DAMNNN!!! Hope you all enjoyed International Women’s Day, because the Bible is telling y’all to behave.  “Quarrelsome wives” are annoying and it’s impossible to stop them. Goddamn that’s some ill shit though. But to defend my non-misogyny, I leave you with…

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.”
– Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

 

Mark 10:13-16

13 And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. 14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. 15 Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. 16 And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them. (KJV)

13 People brought young children to Jesus, so that he could touch them. The disciples were appalled and scolded that brought the young flesh to Jesus: “What are you doing?! Do not bring children to be touched by the Lord!” 14 But when Jesus saw it, he was disappointed and said unto them, “Let me touch the children. Do not let the children suffer, for it is God’s Will for me to touch these pure children, and they shall experience the Kingdom of God.”  15 I say unto you, “Any child who does not “receive” the “Kingdom of God” shall not penetrate, I mean, enter heaven.” 16 The others looked suspiciously as Jesus continued to use air quotes for peculiar words. Then Jesus took the children that were brought to him and touched them in front of everyone. (BBI)