bible

My apathy for religion

A rare semi-personal update. I’m back home and went to church with my parents on Christmas Eve. My mother being the devout Catholic woman she is suggested that I go to confession so I can receive Christ’s Body.
If anything describes my apathy better than my response, I don’t know what it is.

Mom: “You should go to confession.”
Me: “I’m good, bro.”

The informal, nonchalant, complete apathy for it. I’m sorry Baby Jesus, I’ve forsaken you.

Deuteronomy 8:6

Therefore thou shalt keep the commandments of the Lord thy God, to walk in his ways, and to fear him. (KJV)

The Cutlass Supreme slowly turned the corner and came to a creeping crawl – the pounding bass of the music now fading. The window slyly rolled down, and OG Jay poked his head out, “Ey youngblood! You Jamaal, right?”

Jamaal stopped, turned around. The car came to a halt.

“You deaf, boy?” You Jamaal, right?” OG Jay asked again.

Jamaal looked deep into his OG Jay’s eyes. Never had he been this close to him. He had heard stories, had even seen him down the block, always hanging on the corner by Mr. Kim’s liquor store, but he had never been this close – face to face. He tried to speak, nothing came out, and once enough courage could be mustered, stuttered, “Y-yea.”

“Yeah, I thought so. I seen you grown on up, boy. I knew your older brother Mike. He was my homeboy, a real soldier, y’know. Rest in peace. Anyways, you know who I am, boy?”

In the same flustered response, “Y-yea.”

OG Jay laughed, “Aha, one of dem quiet mothafuckas. They the deadliest. I like you, Jamaal. Therefore you’re gonna stick with me, by my side, be my right-hand man. And most of all, you will fear me, you will respect me, and I’ll take you places.”

Jamaal entered the rear door, and the windows rolled up. With that, the last fleeting moments of innocence were lost from his eyes as the tinted windows concealed them. (BBI)

 

John 11:9-10

9 Jesus answered, Are there not twelve hours in the day? If any man walk in the day, he stumbleth not, because he seeth the light of this world. 10 But if a man walk in the night, he stumbleth, because there is no light in him. (KJV)

9 Jesus said unto thee, “Man, isn’t it weird that there are like 24 hours in a day, but only actually 12 hours a day? They just like repeat. That’s so wild. There’s a 1 o’clock for the daytime, but also a 1 o’clock for nighttime. It’s like everyone is working together towards a common goal. But you know what’s weird, at the daytime 1, I feel completely one with my body. 10 But at nighttime 1, sometimes I won’t always feel one with my body and like I might trip or something, you know?

Then Jesus passed the blunt to the right. (BBI)

Proverbs 20:9

Who can say, I have made my heart clean, I am pure from my sin? (KJV)

Those who can truly say that they have made their heart clean are pure from sin. I mean, I guess. Right? Eh, but then again, no one can really be perfect, so I guess that is a half-truth at best, and under certain contexts can be a sin for lying. Can anyone be free from sin? I mean aren’t we all “born into sin?” Thanks, Adam and Eve. Fucking human race traitors. Wait, shit! Wait, damn! ARGH. I mean. Excuse me. I must go to confession and absolve my sins, making me pure until I have one impure thought. But then again, I did have sexual relations out of wedlock, and I don’t think I really am truly sorry for that. 9/10, know what I mean? 😉 ugh we’re all going to Hell.(BBI)

Joel 2:26-30

26 And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed. 27 And ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed. 28 And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions: 29 And also upon the servants and upon the handmaids in those days will I pour out my spirit. 30 And I will shew wonders in the heavens and in the earth, blood, and fire, and pillars of smoke. (KJV)

26 And all my people shall eat plenty! Michael Phelps-proportion meals! You shall eat, and eat, and eat, and all be satisfied. After eating, you shall praise my name – before and after your meals! “Goddamn, that was fuckin’ delicious!” And all my fat, obese people shall never be ashamed! 27 And ye shall praise my name, and I shall slay those who persecute you for your lifestyle. McDonalds, ramen, all-you-can-eat buffets! Fuck them. I’m fat and I’m proud. 28 And it is foretold: I will continue to spread my gift and freedom of obesity to all peoples (especially Americans). The vicious cycle of constant unhealthy diet and lifestyle shall overcome, and you will know I am your God. Your old men will dream of Big Macs, your young men will hallucinate from the additives put into the cow meat of the beef industry. 29 And, don’t worry, I shall especially affect the poorer and the homeless, as they have less access to quality foods and healthcare. 30 And I shall mesmerize you with the wonders of “heavenly” blood and fire known as hog roasting and applewood smoked bacon.  (BBI)

John 21:15

15 So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. (KJV)

15 Jesus laid down the home-cooked meal in front of Simon Peter. Simon Peter immediately started ravaging the plate, no manners brought into the forefront. Jesus, noticing Simon’s hastiness, asked him, “Simon, do you love me? Do you love me more than that food?” Simon Peter paused, rolled his eyes, and in a muffled answer through bites of his meal reluctantly said, “Yeah yeah. Of course, Jesus. You know I love you.” Simon Peter then took another ginormous meal of his turkey leg.

Jesus standing there with his hands clutched together finally seemed a bit relieved, and his tight grasp slowly loosened. He let go, made a slight smile, and started walking back to the kitchen. Simon called out, “Hey, go get me a beer.”(BBI)

Job 39:9-12

9 Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib? 10 Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee? 11 Wilt thou trust him, because his strength is great? or wilt thou leave thy labour to him 12 Wilt thou believe him, that he will bring home thy seed, and gather it into thy barn? (KJV)

9 Will the unicorn be…wait, unicorn?! What the hell? Unicorn?! There are unicorns? Where are they, Biblical peoples? What’d you do with them?! You couldn’t think of us and let us see a fucking unicorn for once in our life? Y’all got greedy and tried to drink its blood to live forever? Is that how you guys lived to age 700 and shit like that? WTF.

Ahem. Anyways. I don’t even know what this is saying. Will the unicorn be willing to work for you or will it just chill at the crib?? (dafuq) 10 Will the unicorn sow the fields by itself or will it follow you and till the fields, following you. Wait, what?! They could be domesticated?! WHERE ARE OUR UNICORNS! DAMNIT MAN! WE WANT UNICORNS TOO!!! 11 It seems these unicorns were strong, both physically and in cognition. This is unfair. 12 RUN UNICORN!! BEAUTIFUL ASS CREATURE! DON’T LET THESE BIBLE PEOPLE USE YOU FOR LABOR! (BBI)

I really want to see a unicorn.

Jerimiah 33:2-3

2 “This is what the Lord says, he who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it—the Lord is his name: 3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ (NIV)

2 The Lord, the one who created Earth is I, the Lord. I said it therefore it is, for I have claimed it. Therefore because I said that I created Earth, it is truth.  I, the Lord, am the one true God. Where does it say that you ask? In the Bible. Who wrote the Bible? Oh, me. So lean on my Word of the Bible as the true teaching and  3 “Ask me, and I shall give you the answers to the things you do not know. For you have no other sources other than I. So you have no choice but to believe me. For my answers are the Truth, the Way, and the Life. Because you know, that’s in the Bible too. You can look it up – I’m completely trustworthy. It’s in the Bible.” (BBI)

Psalms 119:114

114 Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word. (KJV)

114 I hide in the safety that I believe is my Lord and my religion because I cannot stand up for myself in the actual world. Instead of being proactive and dealing with my various issues, I hide behind my religion, using it as an excuse for any action, or lack thereof. In anything I do, or not do, I believe it is the fate of the Word, which I most likely misinterpret and misattribute, and my destiny itself. Rather than dealing with the issues, I let whatever happen and say it was in my ultimate plan by God. I let the world around me form my destiny rather than attempt to take it into my own hands. I have put my faith in your Word because I lack any faith in my own. #JesusTakeTheWheel (BBI)

Well, shit. That got a bit ranty and cynical. 10 Hail Marys, my child.