³⁵ For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: ³⁶ Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. (KJV)

Jesus (to his mother): ³⁵ Mom, I’m so thankful for you. I was hungry, and you fed me. Thirsty, and you gave me drink. I was a stranger, and you still cared for me. ³⁶ I was naked, and you clothed me. Sick, and you took care of me. I was in prison…

Mom: PRISON?! Jesus Michael Christ, when were you in prison?! You know that kind of stuff stays on your record, you know? How are you going to find a job now? You’re already a vagrant that goes about in your sandals everywhere with your buddies. So what was it, Jesus Michael? Turning water into wine and drinking in public again? Your marijuana (but with a pronounced “j”)? Oh Jesus, Jesus Christ, I don’t know what to do with you anymore. (BBI)