9 And out of the ground made the Lord God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. (KJV)
9 And out of the ground the Lord God created marijuana, for it was good. Especially with food because it gives you this weird high where everything just seems to taste better – more velvety, more intricate texture, more flavor. For this tree had two strains: the “tree of life,” known as indica, and the “tree of knowledge,” known as sativa. (BBI)
13 Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him. (KJV)
13 As a father shows compassion to his children, the Lord will show compassion to those who fear Him. Otherwise, He will beat your ass down to the ground until you know nothing but fear of Him. (BBI)
Happy Father’s Day! Yeah, late. Whatever. Sue me.
13 Jesus said, “Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. (NIV)
I’m pretty sure the Bible is talking about anal.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity. (KJV)
13 Now coming to the main stage now, three lovely ladies: Faith, Hope, and last, but definitely not least…they call her the “Queen of the Pole,” the “Lass with the Ass,” Charity! (BBI)
4 He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. 5 After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded. 6 Then cometh he to Simon Peter: and Peter saith unto him, Lord, dost thou wash my feet? 7 Jesus answered and said unto him, What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter. 8 Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me. 9 Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head. 10 Jesus saith to him, He that is washed needeth not save to wash his feet, but is clean every whit: and ye are clean, but not all. 11 For he knew who should betray him; therefore said he, Ye are not all clean. (KJV)
4 Jesus got up from supper with his disciples and started to strip seductively. He took his towel and slowly rubbed his body. 5 He took water and poured into a washbasin and called his disciples over. Jesus began washing their feet, slowly and seductively. He wiped their feet with the towel he had used. 6 Jesus came to wash Peter’s feet, and Peter said, “Must you wash my feet? This feels wrong.” 7 Jesus replied and said, “Just go with it, it’s okay. Everything will be fine.” 8 “No, this is wrong, Jesus.” Jesus answered him, “C’monn, don’t you love me, the Son of God? If you don’t let me, I cannot call you my disciple.” 9 Peter then said to him, “Ok, Jesus. Then I’ve been a bad boy. I’m a dirty boy. Not just my feet, Jesus. My hands. Mmm. My head, if you know what I mean.” 10 Jesus said to Peter, “Those who are pure, need not to have his feet washed. But not all of you are clean. This is the only way to become pure. 11 Jesus knew Judas was cheating on him, and passive-aggressively said, “Not all of you are clean.” (BBI)