Joel 2:26-30

26 And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed. 27 And ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed. 28 And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions: 29 And also upon the servants and upon the handmaids in those days will I pour out my spirit. 30 And I will shew wonders in the heavens and in the earth, blood, and fire, and pillars of smoke. (KJV)

26 And all my people shall eat plenty! Michael Phelps-proportion meals! You shall eat, and eat, and eat, and all be satisfied. After eating, you shall praise my name – before and after your meals! “Goddamn, that was fuckin’ delicious!” And all my fat, obese people shall never be ashamed! 27 And ye shall praise my name, and I shall slay those who persecute you for your lifestyle. McDonalds, ramen, all-you-can-eat buffets! Fuck them. I’m fat and I’m proud. 28 And it is foretold: I will continue to spread my gift and freedom of obesity to all peoples (especially Americans). The vicious cycle of constant unhealthy diet and lifestyle shall overcome, and you will know I am your God. Your old men will dream of Big Macs, your young men will hallucinate from the additives put into the cow meat of the beef industry. 29 And, don’t worry, I shall especially affect the poorer and the homeless, as they have less access to quality foods and healthcare. 30 And I shall mesmerize you with the wonders of “heavenly” blood and fire known as hog roasting and applewood smoked bacon.  (BBI)

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